Obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mum , Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us."

Going Shopping

From the Daily News comes this story
of a Walsall couple
who drove their car to Asda, only to
have their car
break down in the car park. The
husband told his wife to
carry on with the shopping while he
fixed the car. The
wife returned later to see a small
group of people near
the car. On closer inspection, she
saw a pair of hairy
legs protruding from under the
chassis. Unfortunately,
although the man was in shorts, his
lack of underpants
turned his private parts into
glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment,
she dutifully stepped
forward, quickly put her hand UP his
shorts, and tucked
everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked
across the bonnet and
found herself staring at her husband
who was standing
idly by.
The RAC mechanic, however, had to
have three stitches in
his forehead.

I worked at a high street mobile phone shop

one saturday we had a promotion thing on with a guy with a loudspeaker, prizes, all that stuff. We had just opened up and I went upstairs for a piss. I farted but "struck mud", in a spectacular and stinking way. Thank god I was in the toilet at the time as there was loads of runny mucus poo in my pants and I had a suit on, which could have been disasterous. Pooey pants left the building via the window, I cleaned up and went commando for the day (I later had to secretly climb out the window and retrieve my pants from the roof to dispose of them properly).